Being hard on yourself, it’s something everybody does. I’ll be the first to raise my hand and confess I do it daily.
Whether it’s to do with college, work, the blog, other people, I’m constantly getting myself down on things. What I’m trying to come to terms with is that not everything is going to work out perfectly, no matter how much I want it to and that things are never as bad as they seem.
This summer was a big wake up call. I lost my part-time job pretty unceremoniously at the start of June and was kind of left hanging. I had no routine and I felt like I had nothing to get up in the morning for. I didn’t even have a summer vacation to look forward to because I didn’t have enough money for one. I was depressed and frustrated with my situation and instead of trying to change it I wallowed in it. This went on for longer than I care to admit. I spent most of my time alone in the flat binge watching Supernatural and baking brownies.
The lack of money was getting me down badly and the thoughts of my bills crippled me. I was never stuck as I have a wonderful boyfriend who works very hard but I’m an independent person, especially when it comes to finances, and the thoughts of relying on someone else just didn’t sit right with me. I even stopped going to the gym as I didn’t want to waste my money on bus fare.
My mood was slightly lifted at the end of June when I received my exam results. I completed 2nd year with a 1.1. or a first class honours. It had been a goal of mine since last summer and one I wrote down in a notebook. I worked incredibly hard to achieve this result and for the first time in a long time I finally felt like I was doing good academically, we sadly don’t all get amazing leaving cert results.
Two weeks later, I decided to bite the bullet on something that had been racing around my mind. Another 2016 goal of mine was to get my driving license but my nerves were getting in the way and I had severe anxiety about driving. I emailed an instructor and booked myself in for some lessons (I’d already done nearly 20 lessons 2 years ago). The instructor I found was wonderful and has given me so much confidence driving. On Wednesday, I did something I never thought I’d be able to do, I drove by myself down to the shops. This may seem like nothing to a lot of you but coming from someone who’s leg used to shake so bad that I couldn’t even control the clutch, this was massive.
Next week I’m starting not one but TWO amazing jobs (I think we established I don’t make things easy for myself), I have loads of exciting blog collaborations coming up and I actually think I may pass my driving test this time! Being hard on yourself will get you nowhere in life and you’ll feel nothing but down. Be realistic, focus on the positives and what you can do to change the negatives.
What I’m trying to say is; hang in there, don’t let a couple of bumps in the road steer you down the wrong path, hold tight and weather through it. And while I don’t believe in a lot of that “The Secret” bull crap, I do think there’s some truth in positive thinking leads to positive things so chin up and give yourself a break.
Steal My Style
Shot by Lorna Duffy